Craigslist comes to Oneonta!

Craigslist has been featured in several profiles recently, most prominently in Wired and the NY Times. These have focused on how the site is expanding, and how Craigslist has affected the newspaper industry.

Well, the NY Times story noted something interesting:

Among the targeted areas in the United States are dozens of small to midsize cities like Susanville, Calif. (population 18,000), Oneonta, N.Y. (13,000), and the counties of Okaloosa and Walton, Fla., (a combined 229,000.)

My college hometown was suddenly famous! I began to wonder, though, what an Oneonta version of Craigslist might look like. For this, I enlisted the help of several friends to imagine what these posts will look like, in what has become one of my favorite blog posts:

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missed connections – i shouted at you in the street

I was stumbling out of fox’s and saw you and your friends across the street. I screamed that I thought you were very a “hottie with a body” and you all just walked faster and faster until you were gone. The bros all laughed but i was secretly crushed inside. If you had second thoughts after blowing me off, email me. I have the unlimited meals at hulbert and 2 guest passes left for the fall semester, I would love to treat you. willing to throw in dominos on sat nite if you bring a friend ;)

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casual encounters – m4p

handsome and generou$$ man seeking a sexy swine to roll in the dirt with. no skinny’s, potbellys are ok. very discreet, i am used to sleeping with cows and the barn dog, looking forward to experimenting with a sexy side of pork. role playing ok too, into trying the whole “pig with swine flu helpless farmer” thing out. call me 607.436.XXXX looking forward to making you squeal.

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oneonta craigslist > for sale / wanted > collectibles

Looking for that perfect accessory to your front porch?  Your search has ended with this stuffed deer.  Perfect for any size porch or patio, this deer provides a welcoming ambiance to any country home.  Families, small businesses and even fraternity houses would be a perfect suitor for this charming ruminant mammal.  The deer comes stuffed with premium grade cotton, hand-stitched torso and moveable hooves.  Whether you want to create a welcoming environment for your rural neighbors or scare away smaller rodents and pests…this deer is for you!

Price: $25 or a case of Coors Light.
Location: Maple Street, Oneonta, NY

house goat

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missed connections – mysterious stranger at interskate 88

me: BBW in a pink mumu, unkempt hair, thick framed glasses, motorized wheelchair.

you: powerful orca whale shirt, faded coors light camouflage hat, random patches of facial hair, butt crack showing a little out of your zubaz pants.

I was over slathering my delicious nachos with cheese when our eyes locked from across the crowded arena. you were skating backwards, almost effortlessly, and when you saw me looking you winked and spat some of your dip into the coke cup you were carrying around. was that some skoal i saw? I was immediately impressed  by both your boldness to skate backwards and taste in clothing, email me back if you want to move to the rythm with me.

These pictures are the clothes I saw you in – if this is you please respond.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41XKAZDGKNL._AA280_.jpg
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ztj3LUEVL._AA280_.jpg

PS – I also drew a picture of you

orca

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central new york craigslist > oneonta> jobs > government jobs

“Facebook Frienders Needed for Local Students Mayoral Campaign”

Date: 2009-08-25, 12:34PM EDT
Reply to: job-zr9fk-138341509304@craigslist.org

Students,

I am currently recruiting students and only students that would like to be my Facebook friend in advance of the Oneonta Mayoral election. By acting now, you will be eligible to receive my student propaganda every hour on the hour.

The plan is simple. I care deeply about the election, want to bring change to Oneonta, and am running a serious race. That’s why we need everyone to come together and fight for our rights of keeping the bars open until 4 AM and being able to smoke weed in one’s own back yard.

As students, it is our duty to put our own part time occupancy of this city ahead of the full time lower class mothers and fathers with no money and no jobs. Let’s all do what we can, together to push them out of their homes and away from Oneonta so that we can have clear roads when we drive drunk back to campus at 2am.

Please submit your resume (no residents please!) to FriendsForVotes@gmail.com. Resumes must not be longer than mine, so freshmen are preferred please!

Thanks,

- A concerned (part time) citizen

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oneonta craigslist > personals > casual encounters > men seeking women

Wiry, attractive 50 something professional man seeking a law-abiding woman who finds Chester A. Arthur-esque facial hair a turn-on.  Proficiency in esoteric municipal ordinances a huge turn-on.

sIX ohh SeveN..FOUR..three…tHRee…

oNe…TWo…THREE..foUr….location: Oneonta
it’s OK to contact this poster with services, other commercial interests, and code violations.
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oneonta craigslist > for sale / wanted > household items

NEW dorm room poster! Will get girls fast!
Hey everyone! I graduated last spring and wasn’t able to get rid of all my stuff so I’m making a one time offer to all incoming students.
Everyone knows that the key to having a good party is alcohol, but why settle for the same old boring stuff? Sure, buying a 6 pack of Natty Light will show people that you come from money, but why not impress them with your brain instead? See, women are impressed by men that not only drink a lot, but know a lot about drinking alot. That’s why you need this poster.
The Periodic Table of Mixology is more than just a poster and drink guide – it’s a lifestyle choice. This will allow you to become fluent in all kinds of drinks and run the next party you’re at, straight up.
Everyone knows sorority parties are the hardest place to score, since the women are demanding and looking for cultured guys. Well, let me tell you, when I went to a Tri Sig party and showed the girls that I knew how to make a Tom Collins on the rocks, I totally lost my virginity that night.
This poster was the key to my college success, but I had to closely guard it, as it is a one-of-a-kind original. Buy buying this poster off me for a measly $100, you too could possess the raw power of mixology. If you want to act effortlessly cool, show people that you really “get” college, and show the RA how little you care about his “rules,” then this is the only way to do it.
My boss said that if this is up over my desk for one more day I’ll be fired, so seriously, please buy this.
* Location: Hulbert Hall/Scarzafava & Basdekis
* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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Rail Trail, Want to Nail? – w4m – 26 (Vestal, NY)

I see you walking all the time on the Rail Trail in Vestal. You are tall, bald, and bearded. Ooooo how rugged. Seeing the wetness on your skin leads to a a little of my own. The things I would do to you while covered in gnats.

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Actually, that last one was real. Oh Oneonta…where did you go wrong?

(h/t Matt, Jared, Tyler and Ryan for your assistance)

1 Comment

Filed under humor

One response to “Craigslist comes to Oneonta!

  1. Doyle

    Lol the poster one reminds me of one of those amazon pages where everyone says crazy shit about the item… like the 3 wolves and moon shirt…

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