An Open Letter to Frontier Airlines

I went to Denver for work on Monday and I was booked on your airline. I had never flown Frontier before but when Jen (our office assistant) sent me my confirmation email, I thought Frontier sounded cool, like I would be flying to Denver via the Oregon Trail. When I boarded the plane, I was excited to see in-seat TVs. I could not wait to travel into the “wild blue yonder,” as your slightly ripped seat-back magazine promised me.

A few minutes after I sat down, a guy walked over and stopped right in front of me. He looked at me, then looked at his ticket stub, then back at me. He and I both had tickets for 13D. The difference, though, is that this guy was in seat 13D from Denver to La Guardia, not vice versa. Your fine gate agents, who allegedly examine (and scan!) every ticket, had let the guy on the plane with the wrong one. I’m glad that Al Qaida has not attempted to attack our country via the aforementioned “blue yonder” as he would find it painfully easy.

Now, surely it’s not your airline’s fault that both its passengers and gate agents are both functionally illiterate, but it is only worth noting since it became just one of many stories.

Our flight was supposed to take off at 5:35 PM. At 5:30, our flight attendants closed the doors, asked everyone to take their seats, and pulled away from the gate. We then stopped for 20 minutes with no announcement whatsoever.

Finally, the pilot came on and said that there was a mechanical issue with the plane – the bubble in the exit sign had lost pressure and had to be repaired. He said this would take at least an hour.

Now, I am not an airline mechanic, but an un-bubbly Exit sign sounds like a comically superficial problem. But, assuming this had to be fixed, is there a reason that we were all let onto the plane, locked in, and then told that we would be stuck for an hour? Couldn’t we at least wait at the gate where there were things like outlets and (what people call) food?

Exactly an hour after we were told about the mechanical issue, everyone was asked to power down their electronics, return to their seats, and buckle up. 15 minutes later, the engine shut down and we began to wait again. To make a long story short, this happened three times. We ended up taking off right around the time we were supposed to land in Denver.

It is worth noting that your flight attendants used the 3 hours of wait time to not offer or give anyone water and yell at people for moving or turning any electronics on, despite us not going anywhere. Once we did take off, as a courtesy, the pilot agreed to not charge us for the TV’s directly in front of our faces. What a guy!

As we finally headed towards Denver, it became clear that no one was making a connection flight. So, your staff got on the PA system and said that a van would drive everyone that was connecting on to Colorado Springs. That was actually nice. However, the flight attendants asked everyone needing such a van to hit their call button. As a reference, I would like to share what this experience was like, since it was very helpful when I was trying to take a nap:

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

All was not lost, however, because around 11:30 PM local time, we descended into Denver. This letter notwithstanding, I’m not picky, so it’s not worth mentioning the fact that the pilot came down crooked, a wing nearly hit the ground, and he jerked the brakes so hard that a baby bottle held by the kid next to me hit me in the face. Just happy to be in Denver.

So, Frontier, I would like to thank you for a very pleasant experience. My meeting in Denver went very well (I appreciate your interest), and as we circled northwestern Pennsylvania for an hour and a half on the way home, without a flight plan to land at LGA, I had plenty of time to write this post. I will definitely fly your airline again should I wish to subject myself to mind-altering failure.